The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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