i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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