Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize