ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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