she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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