i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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