No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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