Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize