You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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