I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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