I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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