Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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