3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize