Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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