Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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