arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize