I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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