So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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