FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize