Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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