Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize