Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize