Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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