i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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