I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize