Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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