Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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