So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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