You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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