Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize