you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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