I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize