I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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