Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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