Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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