I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize