If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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