I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She told me I should be a condom model.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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