It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We just shotgunned beers for America
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize