Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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