hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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