you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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