I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize