i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need to align my fucking chakras
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize