then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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