everyone is single if you try hard enough
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize