things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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