Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
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do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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