Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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