You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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