my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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